Letter to holiday letter

Dear Madame,
Thank you for your e-mail outlining your intention to relieve me of my €600 deposit.

You seem somewhat disgruntled that the house was not restored to perfection before we left. But that was because we had already paid you an extortionate cleaning supplement as we knew we would be leaving pre-dawn to catch the ferry. If your cleaner had an attack of the vapours because she had a bit more to do than wipe round with a damp cloth, that is really not our problem.

And if you will kit your undeniably stylish house out in the cheap and cheerful offerings from a popular Swedish emporium then it's not surprising that a couple of plates got chipped and couple of glasses got broken. I'm more than happy to pay for their replacement but I'm struggling to see how anyone could spend €600 on crockery in aforesaid emporium. It's not as if it was your best Sevres porcelain last used by Marie Antoinette for her last cup of tea before heading for the guillotine.

One minor point that may have been lost in translation. The english for WiFi is WiFi, not HiFi. How we laughed at the mix-up! Undoubtedly the enforced 3 weeks abstinence from the world wide web did us all the world of good. Equally, it was remiss of us to assume that there would be access to a CD player. Who needs a CD player when you have the Nana Mouskouri's greatest hits cassette? Apologies for the stained cushion cover caused by the hysterical cries of our children as they begged us to turn it off.

Our apologies for misunderstanding the terms of the holiday let. We foolishly assumed we had use of the house and it's contents for relaxing, cooking and enjoying pleasant meals with our friends and using it as a base for trips to the beach and surrounding attractions. Obviously, for the peppercorn rent of over €1000 week, we should have camped in the garden, made use of the public showers on the beach and simply peeped through the windows in awe and wonder at the splendours within.


We are, forever in your debt,

M et Mme Amer et Tordu