- Mould remover
- Limescale remover
- Glass cleaner
- Any other caustic chemicals you can lay your hands on
- A scrubber
- An old toothbrush (or the toothbrush of your beloved if there are outstanding grudges to be paid off)
- Marigolds - the gloves, not the flower
Remove all clothing except gloves. Because you WILL spray them with bleach and get blotches on them.
Throw away all empty shampoo bottles, shower gel bottles, toothpaste tubes and scummy fragments of soap that are invisible to everyone in the house except you.
Spray mould with mould cleaner.
Open window and leave bathroom til choking stops and respiration is normal.
Spray tiles, sink and bath with limescale remover
Spray windows / mirrrors and and shower glass with glass cleaner.
Gives all easy to reach bits a good scrub.
The only way to get the bath clean is to get in and scrub on hands and knees to the rhythm of 'Why haven't we got a cleaner, why haven't we got a cleaner, why haven't we got a cleaner ....'
Then start on all those bloody chrome bits that looked so nice in the showroom.
Every inch will need to be sprayed with limescale remover and polished. Then there are the tiles. Every inch of grout will have to be scrubbed with a toothbrush. Then there's the mouldy sealant. Scrub viciously with toothbrush, swearing relentlessly under your breath. Or out loud. Neither works, there is no way to get mould out of sealant. Or to remove sealant.
For light relief, polish all the glass.
Have a bath in sparkling bathroom before anyone else gets a chance.
It's a great opportunity to deal with the hard skin on your feet as it will peel off easily after standing in caustic chemicals for half an hour.
